Best advice for newlyweds?

Best advice for newlyweds? –@abbymaries

I’m perfectly qualified for this question, having been a newlywed now twice!

I think there’s four parts of a relationship:

– That initial honeymoon period where it’s all goo-goo love and is very nice and what we always remember and/or fantasize about.

– The “wedding planning” when everything involves taking the relationship to that all-important next level. We almost forget the past and the future when we are going through this. The planning is all-consuming.

– The real honeymoon. The thing that happens there is we start thinking about the future. The long-future. Right after you get married you realize, “Wow, I’m going to probably spend forty to sixty years with this person.” And you start planning and imagining how that will happen.

– Babies. But let’s not worry about that yet. You’re a newlywed.

So you’re in part 3. Where you start thinking about the future. Where will you live? How will you afford it? When will you have kids? How will you afford their education and health? Should you rewrite your wils? Should you now start a business or settle in for the long-run at your corporation?

So much future to plan for. Sixty years! Holy shit!

But… you can’t ever forget about that initial honeymoon period.

Where you wake up next to someone and feel surprised that he or she is actually THERE. You can touch them! They are there for you. There is something new every day you learn.

Never forget: there’s something new every day that you can learn from the other person. Some new passion you can incite. Some new smile you can create on the other person’s face.

Planning for the future takes up a lot of mental energy. So don’t ever forget about that initial passion and how happy it made you both feel. Try every day to surprise the other person with your memories of it and how happy you were then. You both were.

(See also, “The Purpose of Marriage“)

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